We all have ways that we have learned to manage the difficulty and stress in life. Perhaps you talk to friends, go on a walk, play with your pet, sing, or exercise to help reduce your stress. We all have ways to cope, but some of us have developed coping strategies which are not as much helpful as they are harmful.
Take a moment to think over your own life, are there things you do to deal with stress which you know aren't great for you?
Many people find it hard to break out of the cycles of bad coping strategies because those strategies can become addictive, especially ones around physical self-harm.
One of the ways therapists work with self-harm of any kind is to replace that unhelpful or maladaptive coping mechanism with other, healthier and more adaptive ones. That way you've still got something to go to when you're distressed, but it's not making thing worse in the long run.
You can think of it like riding a wave of emotion. The distress rises (that's when you're usually tempted to go to your bad coping mechanism) and if you can hold out or find a different way to release the pressure, you will get to the other side of the wave where things are less intense.
One way of learning how to ride that wave is by finding things that help you regulate your emotions that are not harmful. While we can do that in therapy, it's really only helpful if you're also practicing those exercises in time outside of therapy and when you're also not distressed.
It's like tennis. You can't just play tennis when you're in a match and expect to be good at it. You have to practice when it's not game time. It's the same with coping strategies for emotional regulation.
I often recommend the Calm Harm app to people. It's useful for people who struggle with more than just self-harm because it offers you options for regulation tools to practice and engage whenever you're needing them.
The app has loads of exercises for people to use to help with emotional regulation, riding the wave of distress and helping you get to the other side. I'd recommend trying it out and seeing if there are new ways to cope which might be better for you. And remember - practice when you're not overwhelmed too!
You can find the app here:
If you find you're struggling with staying safe, please call 999, 111 or by present at A&E. I work on an appointment system and am not able to offer emergency support or crisis counselling.
Online counsellng is not the right support for you right now as you may need practical support to stay safe.