I talk to a lot of people about fried eggs.
They are a great example which helps to understand what areas of life we have control over and what we don't.
Think about a fried egg in a skillet. You have the yellow egg yolk, the large egg white, the pan it sits in, and the fire beneath it.
Each part of the egg represents an area of life.
The yolk represents areas you have control over your choice.
You get to decide what to do in these spaces.
Things like deciding what you eat for lunch, whether you say yes to a job offer, whether you go home to see family for Christmas, whether you talk to someone after church. These are areas you have control over and responsibility for.
You might read that list and think, "I don't have full control over that, what if I want to eat mangoes for lunch and there aren't any available where I live." Well, that egg is being cooked in a pan over a flame - that flame influences the egg yoke and you don't have control over that flame!
The egg white represents areas you have influence over.
You get to influence things in this space, but you don't have total control over them.
To take the examples above, you get to choose what you eat for lunch but you only get to influence what your family or friends eat. You cannot make them eat, but you can offer them food and set the table to eat together.
You get to choose whether you take a job offered to you, but you only get to influence whether the offer is made. How? By how you respond to questions, by taking the interview, by applying for the job in the first place! The decision to make the offer is not yours, the decision to take the job is.
You get to choose whether you go home for Christmas, but you only get to influence the dynamic in the family which may make that trip better or worse. You can choose to influence things by being kind and respectful rather than sarcastic, or by setting new boundaries for your time or money. You get the choice to set those boundaries, but you don't get to choose how the other people respond to them.
You get to choose whether you speak to someone after church, but you don't get to control their response. You can influence it by how you speak to them and what you say/do, but you don't get to control the outcome in their response to you.
The frying pan is holding your egg above the flame.
You can't control or influence the pan. It's just there holding the egg in place. It is where the egg is, and it keeps it from falling into the flame, which is important if you want the egg to be cooked well. This space is neutral. You don't get to control or influence it - but it's also not harming you. It's outside of your control, it's outside of your influence, but it's not impacting you. It might be hard to think of things in this space because, in some ways, they aren't where the impact happens. A pan with an egg in it is only worthwhile if there's heat underneath...
The flame influences you and you don't get to control or influence it.
These ares of life are often difficult for us. Maybe it's the impact of increasing food prices on your desired dinner, meaning you don't get to eat what you would otherwise chose to eat because it's price is too high. Or perhaps it's the fact that there aren't jobs available in your job sector right now, so there's nothing to apply to. Or maybe there is family trauma or loss which makes a visit home for Christmas not possible for you - even if you really desired to go. Or it could be that the person you want to speak to after church leaves early, so you don't get a chance to talk. You're influenced by things you have no control or influence over.
You don't get a choice or influence in this, but it does impact you. It "cooks your egg," so to speak.
This metaphor is super useful for those of us who struggle to control things they only influence, or control things they have no influence over.
Sometimes, we make scrambled eggs when we should be making fried eggs. Or worse, we just crack the egg open and toss it into the fire (which is not how you cook an egg).
What areas of life fall into those areas for you? Where have you scrambled your egg inappropriately?