I often hear people say that they feel "messy" or "not good enough" to be in relationship with others. Perhaps you've felt that way before too. Sometimes we feel that we must be good enough, interesting enough, put-together enough to be in relationship with others. But that simply is not true. It's our broken, messy places that bind us together as humans.
I want to tell you a story of two houses to show this well. They are real houses I've been in. And they made me feel very different ways.
The first house was recently renovated. It was pristine. Some people ask you to take off shoes on entering, this house gave you dust covers for your feet. Everything was white from the polished floors to the white countertops and white walls. It was not just clean, it was sparkling.
Despite having taken a shower that day, being in that house made me worried I wasn't clean enough. I don't think I could have eaten a meal there. What if I dropped food by accident and messed up the sparkling floor? I was really uncomfortable there and was actually happy when it was time to go and I could be myself again.
The second house was well lived-in. It had crayon marks on the walls and a pile of bags and shoes dropped at the door. There was a child walking around with a bag of crisps, dropping a little trail of crumbs behind them as they went.
It wasn't perfect and it wasn't trying to be. It was okay to show up and add your coat to the pile at the door. If you messed up and dropped food on the floor, you wouldn't be the first (and likely not the last!). It was a place where it was okay to not be perfect. It felt safe to be messy there.
We can all be a little bit like those two houses as people.
If we give off the impression that we are pristine and need others to be so in order to be near us, it's a pretty off-putting invitation. Because deep down, we all know we're messy inside.
If we give off the impression that we are pristine and need others to be so in order to be near us, it's a pretty off-putting invitation. Because deep down, we all know we're messy inside.
If we show our mistakes and faults (in appropriate ways), it allows others to be messy around us too. Messiness can create space that binds us together as humans. It's an invitation to be vulnerable, real and true to our own messes. We're not perfect and that is perfectly okay!
If we show our mistakes and faults (in appropriate ways), it allows others to be messy around us too. Messiness can create space that binds us together as humans. It's an invitation to be vulnerable, real and true to our own faults.
We're not perfect and that is perfectly okay!