There are so many things in life which make people think that they aren't enough in life. Maybe it manifests as perfectionism, over-working, an intense sense of responsibility, burnout, performance drive, social anxiety, or academic stress.
You are enough. Just as you are, you are enough.
So often I see people who are striving and pushing through life, working so intensely hard to hold things together and manage countless stressors in their world. For many of those people, it seems like an impossible task to slow down, do things less-well, or put aside the pressure to perform.
The incredible thing I get to see in counselling is when those very people who are often living in a high-anxiety, driven, just-push-through state start to come down and rest in a new place: the place of being enough.
One of my favourite terms in attachment theory is that of the "good enough parent". Researchers Bowlby and Ainsworth, in particular, highlighted that it is not the "perfect" or "ideal" parent who helps her kids to be securely attached - compassionately and confidently exploring the world. It is the "good enough" one.
A good enough parent is one who helps their kids calm down when stressed, takes an interest in them, can hold their big emotions ... but (and this is important) ...
A good enough parent repairs the relationship when it breaks.
The hidden gem in that statement - a good enough parent is one who messes up and needs to repair.
A "good enough parent" repairs the relationship when it breaks. The hidden gem in that statement - a good enough parent is one who messes up and needs to repair.
In fact, in parenting, messing up and showing repair is actually really important. It teaches kids that relationships can have rupture and repair and survive. It's a super important thing that a "perfect" parent isn't doing if they never mess up. (And we all know, that "perfect" parent doesn't exist!)
But even for those who aren't parents, there is something important to learn from attachment theory about being good enough...
In all relationships (with others, with yourself, with God, with the world)... being enough means there is a cycle of rupture and repair. It means you aren't perfect. And you don't have to be perfect to be enough!
Just to be clear, I'm not advocating intentionally messing up or hurting people just to make a point of repair. What I am saying is that the small voice inside you that says "You're not enough" any time you don't measure up to something... Well, perhaps that voice is not actually measuring the right thing.
Being enough means not being perfect. It means being approachable, being broken, being a seeker of renewed relationships, and allowing your whole self (the messy parts and the excellent ones) into the world. Because you are enough.
Being enough means not being perfect. It means being approachable, being broken, being a seeker of renewed relationships, and allowing your whole self (the messy parts and the excellent ones) into the world. Because you are enough.
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